For Certain

Today I experienced something that I thought I would never experience. And beyond the denial and doubt, there was certainty. Certainty that we weren't going to be "together forever".



I'm being rightfully punished. I don't know for how long but I deserve it. What's making me stay? Love.


The Five Pillars

I'm currently doing my summer holiday routine where i watch reruns of Will and Grace and there's this old episode of Will and Grace where Will takes the Five Pillars of Happiness test. And since i'm finally out of one of my denial phases, i thought i'd take the test, with as much truth as i can.

Work - I had a really great bar job earlier this year; great team, great management, great system. I was actually really good at being that cool bartender and i received a lot of compliments about my customer service abilities from the team. I was 3 months in when i was about to become supervisor and everything was great. Just like everything in my life though, it came crashing down as fast as it came up. I don't really blame anyone because really, what is that going to do. I blame myself, i blame myself for getting too cocky and too attached to a casual job that is a casual job. I'm at a new bar now, it's not that bad but i'm definitely learning my lesson and not getting too attached - to break it down, i'm just going to do my thang, get paid, go home.

Health - I'm presently in one of my post festival virus feeling shitness. No check for health for me. I'm still best friends with Mary Jane though, but maybe i should stop being friends with her. Starting to see that maybe i've become this extremely cynical person this year because of her. Or maybe it's this post festival depression shit that i'm just putting the blame on the one thing that was with me all year.

Family - I am living in constant culpability that i will never give back to both my ma and pa everything that they have given me. And this guilt is eating me up each and every day that i became more of a failure.

Friendship - Don't really have much friends. Came to the realisation that most of my closest friends stem from my partner. Therefore,,,,

Love - Confusing.



It took me this long since it's release to actually post a review about this album, Not because i was unsure about it but because i honestly couldn't put into words how much i love this album. If i were to describe this album, it would just be - euphoric.

He will be coming to Australia for Stereosonic and i can already feel that it will be the happiest day of my life.


"The same shit keeps on repeating and repeating that i'm so fucking scarred from it. You've made me so fucking negative. No one gets upset about most of the things you get upset with." - A

21st September 2014, 12.32am



"Sometimes i forget to exist" - A
"Me too.." - P

20th April 2014, 5:31am


Winter is Over

What happens when the "making it work" part doesn't work?

Today's the first day of spring. 
I think it's time to get out of this winter rut, 
Time to start 'wanting' to chase the sun again. 

Having an understanding within relationships is probably one of the biggest factor i've came to experience and learn within the last two years. Whether i've experienced it in a positive light, or the negative light, i've definitely learnt it.
Misunderstandings aren't fun, it's troublesome, it's unnecessary. It's unwanted headaches. And when these headaches become relentless, it becomes migraines.
I don't like migraines, it's unnecessary.



I love birthdays. Comes second to the Christmas and New Year celebrations . But i've always been the type to love celebrating my closests' birthdays, i don't really care for mine much to be honest.
This year, however, has been the most pleasurable birthday yet. I've never felt such a sincere happiness celebrating.. me.
And i know it's because for the longest time, i finally found a group of friends that i feel so genuinely apart of and it was them that made my birth'week' so great.

The celebrations started just half an hour before my birthday. I had just finished work and i thought, man it would be so great to drink some wine (cause i'm getting old and all), so i asked my mum to come out and join - now my mum loves doing anything with her children but we've all got such busy schedules, we never have time :( , so right when i asked, her face lit up like a freaking christmas tree! hahaha Talk about ageing!, My tastebuds definitely aged because i like wine now? Anyways, we definitely got tipsy and my mum, being the cute little person she is, ran downstairs, ran back upstairs and was like "Surprise!, I got you flowers! But i hid it hehehhe" AHAHA I love my mum, i am so grateful to have been raised by her. I appreciate her so so so goddamn much.
Then next in the celebrations, right at 12am, 14th of August. My partner and i were going to punch some birthday cones to celebrate, and as i was walking to the driver's side of my car, my friends jumped out and scared the living shit out of me. I know it doesn't sound like much of a surprise, but this is honestly the first time i've ever had a birthday surprise! They came with a cake they baked themselves and that made me feel so warm haha We all punched more birthday cones and went to my room to sit, chill, talk and eat the cake. I ate literally half the cake they baked and definitely not because they kept guilting me, saying they spent hours making it.. no definitely not because of that. After demolishing the cake.. boom.. "hey Rivs, did the cake taste like weed to you". Yeah and that was how the night ended hahahhaah no no, that wasn't how the night ended, we chilled into the morning.. i just can't remember much after that hahah
Fast forward into the afternoon, i'm working (i don't know why i took up a shift on my bday, that's just how much i didn't care) Out comes all of my workmates and surprises me.. c'mon guys, all these birthday surprises are killing my heart hahah no more no more. I don't know what i did this year to deserve all this. I even got an early mark from work,  just so i can go home and have extra time to get prettied up for my date. Isn't that the nicest gesture ever.
My partner took me out to some fancy fancy dinner, at a French restaurant called The Little Snail. The best about Paul is that he loves to take me out and he loves experiencing new things with me - something i will never take for granted. We don't usually go out and try all these fine dining restaurants, usually just the regular run to the fine as garlic sauce of ElJannahs, and i already feel like that's special enough hahah Saying that so, at this French restaurant, we were so loud about our satisfaction in their dishes AHAHH we were like "OH GOD.. MMHMMMMMM WHAT IS THIS" "THE FLAVOURS ARE MELTING INTO MY TASTEBUDS AND HAVING SEX WITH IT" "SHIT.. FUCK" "HOLY JESUS" "WHY DONT WE GO OUT FINE DINING MORE" (Cause we're broke uni students). And that was how my night ended, with a great dinner with my partner.
The next day, i spent it with my dad and his family, having the occasional asian breakfast, YumCha. I love talking to my dad, he always genuinely wants me to strive for the best in something I LOVE. Whenever i'm having a mid life crisis, like any 22 year old, I always go to my dad for some inspirations. He's my rock man.
Later that night, i had a really warm dinner with some of my close friends at an Italian restaurant. Even though it was scattered groups from different parts of my life, everyone was got along well. After dinner, most of my friends went home cause of commitments the next morning and only a few of my mates came back to mine and punched some cones and hung. This was probably the best part of my night. I opened my presents, i had received an awesome mini lab keyboard, an arabian bong, a stoner book, a fitness book and a candle (probably to get rid of bong smell) HAHAHA ALL VERY CONSISTENT THOUGHTFUL PRESENTS GUYS <3 But that night in the base of my house, everybody is high and happy, munching, looking at the stoners book for hours, and just chatting, talking and laughing all night - nothing more i could've asked for. Best birthday week ever.

This was a longggg post about just my birthday! But i just wanted to express my very heartfelt 22 birthday. I've never felt so happy and content with all the circles of my life and i just wanted to share that.
I love my friends, my family, my workplace, my partner.